The Eyes Of A Spectator

I'm kind of lovesick right now, because I really want something I can't as of the moment, and it's driving me crazy. The most I can do is write about it to get it off of my mind so that it's out there. It's a strong good memory, but it's kind of painful, for me at least. Here it is.

When I was in Turkey of the summer of 2007, I had alot of fun in this place called Didim. It was a great closed community town, and there was always alot of fun to be had. As time went on I made friends, then more friends, and friends of those friends. Soon enough I was pretty much one of the most popular kids in the whole place, due to the fact that I was American, and, well, I was an awesome kid to be with.

Pretty soon, I made some very good friends that I would always be with until like 2 AM. Towards the end of the summer, I made a couple new friends, because people were going and staying all the time. Some people would come for a week and go and not come back, which kind of saddened me, especially in this story about which I'm to unfold.

I met this girl. I won't say her name, but let's caller her a typical name that noone would recognize. I'll call her Jane. So I met Jane through a friend, and we started talking alot. We both had very good musical tastes and that is probably how we got to be decent friends. After we got to be friends, it would usually be me and her meeting every night for about 3 days. Later I found out that she was one of the individuals that would leave in about 2 days.

So I ended up having a crush on her, and then the next day, after, it turned into a like. Not a bad thing necessarily, but let's hear the rest. After telling a couple of my friends that I liked her, they looked at me all weird. I gathered my courage and I told her privately. What I heard after I told her hurt me. By the way, she speaks fluent English, and I would talk to her in English most of the time.

After I had told her, she was completely indifferent about it. She thought of me as a brother/friend rather than a person that they can get into a relationship. That really hurt me, because I was 17 at the time, and she was only 13, so it was even harder for me to build that courage.

After I told her, I went back to my friends and they immediately knew that I had been shot down. After talking for a while, they confessed that they knew that she had liked another guy. This guy wasn't a a bad person, and he was normal, and likable. I met him and he seemed okay. It turns out that my friends had helped them get closer, and I wasn't aware of it. They were very sorry because they told me that if they had known that I liked her, they wouldn't have done such a thing, and would rather have helped me.

So after that, the next day, the day she was going to leave, I see her again, and she was in a great and happy mood. I asked her "why so cheerful?" and she simply replies "I have a boyfriend now!". I was simply demolished at that point.

I felt so bad, because not only did I like her, I had to build up the courage to tell her that I liked her, and that is one of the hardest steps. Beyond that, after I told her she went and started dating that other guy. It's things like this that drive you crazy.

As of today, I still talk to her every now and then, and her relationship with that guy ended a long time ago.

Heh, this did help me feel better, by pouring it out. I might write some more about my awesome memories that I can share.