The Eyes Of A Spectator

I'm pretty much not getting anything I want as some of my friends know. I've been giving all I can to my friends because I greatly appreciate having them around and sticking with me. I've been feeling very altruistic these past 2 weeks, and I feel good about it, but I really need something to bring me up.

I've been down for quite a long time, since around October, but even before that I was feeling pretty bad. I've been feeling very cold and lonely, but I want that to change.

As the new year started things have been getting worse, and that has really got to change. I want to make myself better, for myself, but more importantly for everyone else as well. I've started many projects, and finished a couple of them, and still have much to go.

I just want to have a really fun and good birthday but I don't see that happening. There's too many people in the house, and my father just simple would not want that many of my friends to be here in my house. I might have to just not do anything at all, and that's how it's been from the start.

I'm almost 19, and I haven't accomplished anything in my life. That's got to change.