The Eyes Of A Spectator

As I sit here staring at my pizza, I listen to the words Radiohead, one of my favorite bands and think to myself, "I like freestyle writing, so why not try it while making a post on Blogger?"

A new song pops up and I immediately think of my old friends in Turkey. I'm then again reminded of the words of the song, which are so incoherent. These words to me give me a sense of loneliness because I simple do not have what I deserve. Or at least I feel that way.

A new song comes and I feel rain pouring down on my shoulders. I love so many things about the rain, and one of my goals in life is to find someone who would gladly walk with me side by side, holding hands with me in the rain. And when the time comes, we hug, and talk to each other about anything we want to.

A part of me feels that it is a myth, but the other part knows that it will happen one day. If only I could know that this would happen, I would have more warmth in my heart.

I'm growing colder as the days go by, along with the weather that is creeping in through my windows. My heart is growing into a block of ice, and my emotions are weakening.

I feel that I really must find something to occupy myself with. I feel that I cannot find anything to be happy with, and that when I do, it might just be too late.

There is nothing more better in the world than that feeling of knowing that someone you love, loves you back. Even knowing that someone exists who acknowledges you, and is willing to protect you under any circumstances, that is something we all need. That is something everyone deserves.

Thanksgiving was okay, it was basically 20 Turkish people in my house just having a lot of fun. If you aren't Turkish, then you have to meet a group of Turks, because it is absolutely amazing how they act and have fun and whatnot. If you are Turkish, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

It was pretty good, and food was great, and I filled myself up really nice. I met some cousins that I never knew about or haven't seen for a long time. I saw my dad's friends whom I haven't seen for a while either. All-in-all it was an okay experience.

I woke up today, expecting to do things, but I haven't done anything. I read a little, and played guitar, and that's about it. I was so bored it was ridiculous. I called a lot of my friends, some didn't answer, some phones were off, and most were just busy.

My 3 relatives went out shopping, and they forgot about me, which I got really upset about. I got really sad but, I just kind of let it by, I'm trying not to get sad about anything more and look at the positive side.

I was also thinking that me and my father would go out and buy him a laptop, the MSI Wind, which is supposed to be really nice, but we didn't. He was very tired, and he had to drop off my mom anyway.

I didn't get my macbook pro, and I came to a realization that I probably won't get anything I want for a very long time. It seems things are in a down-slant in this period of my life.

At least I have parkour.

See you next post.

Blegh. Meh, tired and sick of everything that's happening to me.

I lost my iPod Touch. I'm aggravated all the time. Not many friends. Let down by people. Insults all the time. My family is being my family. I'm not getting anything I want.

It gets to you after a while, and especially when they stack one after another.

That's all.

Here's something to enjoy, as I don't want to make this a fully pessimistic post.

Today, I created a new parkour video, with my friends camera. We used iMovie, a great application, and it turned out very well, I'd say.

Enter video!

Well, I don't know what a solace is either.

Well Quantum, is apparently an amount of something, that could be anything. A Solace is just comfort, pleasure and alleviation of something. I don't know why they would choose that title, and you'll soon find out why I think that way. Spoiler's ahead. Here's my review, of the god-awful newly released 007 movie.

Review of "Quantum Of Solace."

Plot Summary.
Hmm. Well...Uhh...Alright let's see. There's this guy who did something bad I guess? And Bond is after him, we don't exactly know why. He's apparently buying some land in Africa and we have no idea why, nor are we ever told. The word Quantum is used only once in the whole movie, so you're pretty much left out. The other sub-plot is that there's some organization that noone knows about. But that part of the story only lasts for like 10 minutes during the entire movie maybe. There's a lot of action scenes, and very little scenes describing why the hell all of this is going on. I think I got it covered, I'm not so sure. The movie was so poorly directed I couldn't understand the whole plot really. Do some research yourself, I might be off.

The Good.
Hmm. I guess the action scenes were okay...but I'm not so sure. I could also put this on the bad side, and I'll explain that later. Besides the action scenes, the technology in the actual movie were pretty mind blowing, but then again, it's a 007 movie, so that's almost sure to be there. That's honestly about all I can find.

The Bad.
Alright, here we go. The action scenes were pretty much like "What the hell is going on!?." The director must have been on something, or experimenting with a technique or something, cause it was really bad. If you watch the scenes you'll understand why. Everything is happening so ridiculously fast and the individual scenes in the actual scene [if you know what I'm talking about], last for like maybe 1-2 seconds. On top of that, the most ridiculous situations happen, that would never happen. I'd explain more, but I don't want to. Also, there was only one bond girl in this movie, and she wasn't that beautiful or impressive, as the others have been anyway. One of the biggest bads in this movie, is the plot. You know absolutely NOTHING about the plot. It's really really bad. There's no clear indication of what anyone is really after, everything just kind of happens.

My Overall Thoughts.
When I first heard about it, of course I was thrilled, all of my friends were. When I went to the movie theaters, we were all so excited. Towards the end one of my friends started sleeping because he couldn't stand it. Another one of my friends stopped talking during the movie, and he always talks during movies, so then you KNOW it's bad. I really wanted my 10 dollars back, because it was not worth it at all. It wasn't Daniel Craig who was bad, it was just the whole script itself. ALSO, I'd like to ask, why the hell it got decent reviews by everyone, I just don't understand it. I went on many review sites, and the reviews are actually towards the mediocre/good side. It really pisses me off. Everyone I ask who saw it, said it was a horrible movie, and me and my friends can't even stand looking at another Quantum Of Solace poster because we want to burn it down, it was so bad. Go see this movie if you want to be disappointed.

My Rating.
I rate this tormenting movie a horrible 4 out of 10. Yes it was really that bad, and I hated it that much. The only thing keeping this movie on it's legs are the somewhat decent action scenes, and witty movements by bond himself.

I removed some of the side notes that I've had for a long time. I wasn't really using them much, and I doubt that anyone reading the site was either.

It's about what I write! Not what I plan to write in the future. I just try to come up with something to write on the spot. I really want to review Quantum of Solace, because it was just so god-awful. I don't understand how it got mediocre reviews and people praised it. I just don't get it.

Aside from removing those side notes, I've added a quilt, as some of you might notice. This quilt will show recent artists that I've been listening to.

As some of you may or may not know, I'm a music freak, and it is one of my biggest passions, if not my biggest. I know too much about music, but I strive to know more!

So after a weekend at my my mother's, I was getting out of her house around 4:00. After I got out, I decided to call Mike and see what he was up to. It turns out that he was at the MoMa museum, in queens, which is a good museum to stop by if you ever get a chance.

Anyway, we decide to meet up at around 6:00 at Penn Station in the city.

My mother lives on 126th street, whereas Penn Station is on 34th street. Great right?

So I decided, eh, why not? And I walked the whole way. That is a staggering 92 city blocks, and it took me about 3 hours. If I had walked completely straight, it would have taken me maybe an hour and a half, but I had a lot of fun walking through. I parkoured through a lot of the terrain and got a very good work out.

That's pretty much a personal record for me.

The closest memory I can think of, of walking an obscene amount, was at around 1 AM, when I was around 12 years old at night, with my city friends. What a night that was. We walked for hours and hours.

I'd like to review something the next post.

Thanks for all the commentary on my previous post, those who directly talked to me about it, and those who commented. I feel cared for, and special.

You know this feeling of sympathy towards people is really hard to keep up with. I feel that everyone deserves a second chance, but when you come across those couple of people who just are so indecent and aren't even worthy of being your friend, that's when you know humankind is so flawed.

Or maybe it's just their own personalities and the way they are.

I don't know about you, but I know I was brought up right. When someone asks me to do something, I try to do it. If I'm not able to, I tell them I'm not able to do it. If I don't want to do it, it's probably because it's wrong, or it's against my methods of life.

Let me tell you a little story.

I was supposed to meet this girl, who's name I will not reveal. She contacted me initially, and I thought to myself "why not meet up." She lives relatively close and I only saw her once, and it was an alright experience.

So I'm out of the house, and working with my father. So when I come back, I was told that she just showed up at my house without telling me, while I wasn't there. I don't really like that. I don't think anybody does. You shouldn't just go to someones house without telling them your going to come, it's rude and disrespectful.

So anyway, I contact her after that, she tells me she'll meet up with me the next day. So I wait. Wait some more. She doesn't come, and doesn't notify me of anything. I think it's called ditching.

I don't give up hope though, because I thought "maybe she was doing something or got caught up in something," so I ask her again the next day. To my joy, she ends up ditching me again.

So I send her a message saying "I don't get it, what did I do to be neglected?"

After that, she responds saying "You smell really bad."

Hmm.

So now, my anger flairs up, and I immediately think to myself, the last time she saw me was around a year and a half ago, for about 30 seconds. She doesn't know anything about me, she contacts me, and then ditches me two times. Shows up to my house without letting me know, and then insults me.

Great, I know.

She isn't the only person to pull of things like this. No I didn't leave any details out, this is just about how everything went. After all of this I told her "Leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you ever again."

I did right. I think. Comments?

This means alot to me. I've been uncovering more and more of these, and I will share this one with you. Do not be offended by what I write, PLEASE, because it is only my opinion. My views on life have changed since this entry. I will not be altering anything I wrote in this entry.

Dated 9/16/05

I'm pretty bored right now, so I am just writing to get all this stuff out of my mind. Its just my mind overlaps with other many ideas that I have and I get stuck on one thing and keep writing. I guess this is good for my writing kills though. Anyway, I was reading the stuff on the pages before this and I notice how I was writing last year. I notice that my neatness has gotten alot better. That reminds me of Robin, my best friend. He used to have really sloppy handwriting when I first met him. Ever since a couple years ago he has been writing because I told him it would make him better. Jeez, I notice I made some errors, I guess this free style writing is good for you. At least its a much better improvement. One thing I can't get off of my mind is the fact that I keep feeling that I am superior intellectually to so many people I know. I hate this paper, I can't write on it right. Anyway, It's just that I guess I have this ability to understand people so quickly and I know what they like, dislike, and how I can treat them in order to be nice to them. It's so weird but I guess I use it to an advantage. I don't know why but I get the feeling that I shouldn't be writing this down. For one thing a lot of people who would read this would laugh and probably make fun of me. Or I don't know, maybe just the fact that I picture it that way. I don't know, it really depends on a person's point of view I guess. One person who would read thi would think I'm stupid and have dumb ideas but another would say that I'm smart and should continue to prosper in this way of thinking. For all I know I could be writing future historical writing, or complex psychological stuff. I guess thats what everything really comes down to in life, just pure psychology and nothing else. I'm not anyone to judge the meaning of life, or make racial judgements or go against a religion or a way a person thinks but I have the right to and the ability to. First of all, if there is anything to blame in the whole world, it would undoubtedly no mistake, be the ability to think. I know some people might not agree, but personally I think the more wiser, intellectual, smarter people would agree with me. You have to really think about everything on Earth, and think deep about how you are right here reading this, being able to have the one instinct that no other life has. To judge everything, to get ideas, to get equations about life, the list goes on and on forever. But when you get right down to it, its true that if we didn't have minds of our own, we would probably be extinct and would have virtually no techonology at all. Its true and only a bright person would realize this. You would probably call this psychology and it is, but in my mind I look at it as a way of life. Speaking of a way of life, I also think that many of the ideas that have been followed and some still being followed are just there to distract you from life. I think that one of those things is the reason of all hatred and all that other stuff. Religion is the biggest of them all. I can't help but think that religion is just a fake scam that some guy made up in a desperate attempt to get people to follow him. I think a lot of people would like to hurt or kill me just for saying that, but its true. Think about this too. If religion weren't around people would have nothing much to complain about, because it mainly started history. It is so hard to explain I can't even write it down in words. Its just religion was only started because noone had anything to follow and they were desperate to do something in life. I can't believe at the stupidity and idiocy in so many of the religious stories and beliefs. Everyone calls a miracle an act of god. Its so stupid, but like I say, I'm not to judge anything. I'm just saying what I feel about religion. One of the smartest civilizations and most advanced of their time, the aztecs and mayans, even they believed in the most ridiculous stories of how Earth was created, or how everything is a spirit, or that they must make sacrifices. I doubt that a turtle created Earth, a spirit is right next to me, making the wind move, and that you need to make 2000 sacrifices of humans who are killed alive, to please a god, even if they exist. Another thing is god. I don't even bother to capatilize it because "he" probably doesn't exist. Another thing to think about. If he really did exist, wouldn't he help people out? Wouldn't he show himself to the public? Wouldn't he not conceal information that is the answer to world knowledge? The whole thing is stupid and I've yet to see any proof of him existing or any of these ridiculous stores to come true. To me I believe in the facts of what science has proven and it has proven all religious stories false. The more as techonology grows, the more we will reveal that religious beliefs and stories aren't true.

I've had a really bad past couple of days, so this is going to be a positive post.

I'm just going to post up some awesome pictures that Mike, Stephen, and I took at the Halloween parade in NYC.

Enter pictures.

Great pictures aren't they? You can click on them to see the full size if you want too.

Sorry I haven't written in a while either. 4 days isn't a lot for most people, but I created this blog on the basis that I would post every one to two days.

I'll talk about some more personal stuff next post. Maybe. No promises.

So I've been dis-enrolled from school for the stupidest reason. I'll go through them in steps, for your disheartening pleasure.

Step 1. Apparently the high school nor the medical department have any records of any of my immunization shots, ever. I don't recall getting immunized when I was younger, but I remember getting something in order to stay in high school.

Step 2. I was sent multiple times, a paper stating that I needed to take my MMR / Meningitis shots.

Step 3. I could not receive any of those shots because our expiration on our insurance ran out. I don't think I should post which company that is, just for legality issues.

Step 4. SOLELY the Meningitis shots cost $120 dollars alone without the MMR, which we can't really afford because of our financial situation. I don't even want to know how much the MMR shots cost. If one shot costs $120, and you take four shots all-together, it's $480, which we really can't afford at all.

Step 5. After my health insurance was finally re-enrolled around the week before the deadline, [which I didn't know about] I immediately tried contacting a medical office in which I could get my shots, paid by my health insurance.

Step 6. I go to the office and wait, and have a physical check-up along with blood drawing. For some reason, with Meningitis, there is no waiting, and you can have the shot taken immediately. With MMR, however, you have to wait for 2 days, while they sample your blood, to see if your vulnerable or something like that, I'm not sure, don't quote me on that.

Step 7. I wait the 2 days and go back, by this time, it is Wednesday, which leaves me two days to finish everything, and hand everything in by Friday. Everything turns out fine, and it turns out that I am naturally immune to MMR, so the whole process was complete wasted time. I get the official sheet signed and stamped by the doctor, that is needed by my college.

Step 8. After I go home, on Friday, I wake up and realize that I lost my sheet. I immediately freak out, panic, and call the clinic in order to get another copy of the sheet.

Step 9. I go, and get the sheet, which took a staggering 2 hours, which also really annoyed me.

Step 10. Since I did not know about the deadline, and wasn't even notified about it at all, I handed the sheet in on Monday. The person I handed it to said, and I quote, "Alright everything is fine, you can attend your classes now."

Step 11. The next day I go to my class, and it turns out that I am dis-enrolled, and am no longer registered into any of my classes.

Step 12. I freak out, panic, and call the Vice President of the Health Services, and to my oh so wonderful pleasure, find out that he cannot do anything for me.

So there's my story, which is in actually bullshit. Nothing should ever happen like this, it is totally ridiculous.

Just because of the sheer amount of time it took me to get my vaccinations, I missed an entire week of school, and on top of that, I missed both Monday and Tuesday.

So in total I missed 6 days of school. So even if my father threatens a lawsuit, and gets me back into school, or by some miracle I'm re-enrolled, I still would have missed almost 2 weeks of school. This cannot do. As soon as I go back to my classes, I will have to take tests that I do not know the answers to, and study stuff that I do not know about.

So, in essence, this whole semester is a complete waste.

What crap.

Remember everyone above 18, go vote tomorrow. If you can't find a place to vote, go to google and they will help you out on that.

If you didn't register, or aren't over 18, or don't support Obama, and plan to vote for McCain, you SHOULD NOT GO VOTE.

In other related news, I'll be waking up and voting for Obama as soon as I can. I hope he wins so we can have a better nation.

It was pretty good!

I dressed up as Obama, and Mike as McCain. My friend Stephen was the Joker, and my other friend Phil, was a Monk.

It was pretty good and we had alot of fun. We went to the Halloween parade in NYC and there were alot of interesting pictures to be shot. Alot of people loved me and Mike, and it was alot of fun.

I'll post up some more pictures, and explain how the day went, once I actually get the pictures, as I'll state again, I don't own a camera.